The other day I had a client apologise for letting me down, citing a long list of events that had happened to them.
They were stressing out as they explained in great detail the catalogue of misfortunes that had befallen them.
I suppose I could have nodded in sympathy.
I could have said I totally understand, maybe joined in, sharing stories of all the bad luck I’ve had.
Not my style. It’s faux kindness. As a coach people don’t hire me to nod politely and help them feel better about where they are.
They hire me to help them feel better about where they want to be.
Instead I asked how being a pinball was working for them.
You can imagine their reaction. Shock, confusion, annoyance and irritation.
Helplessness is a skill learnt through negative experience
It’s frighteningly easy to learn helplessness, to bounce from one event to another; having our wellbeing and options limited by external things.
It takes courage and creativity to get back control.
And friends and colleagues who call us on it, not to nod in sympathy and look the other way.
Because we all deserve the opportunity to be the lead in our own story, not the tragic or comedy character in someone else’s.
So I spent time with the client exploring the situations, habits and experiences that had taught them to respond to life as a pinball; to have no guidance in life other than to bounce from situation to situation in a way that left them exhausted and feeling helpless.
Events aren't bad or unlucky unless we decide that they are
An event that occurs cannot in of itself be good, bad, lucky or unlucky.
In his excellent book “The Luck Factor“, Professor Richard Wiseman, following extensive experimentation on the phenomena of luck, concludes that luck is, in fact a state of mind, rather than some ethereal force. We create luck through intention and action.
So events aren’t bad or unlucky unless we make them so.
Which means that our options and responses are only limited if we decide they are.
Which means that it is relatively simple to stop being a pinball. You just have to decide not to do it, one step at a time.
From there, ask your friends, colleagues, a coach or mentor to call you on it when you fall in to old habits. Step by step you’ll start to take control of your situation and create your own luck.
#luck #pinball #lifecoaching
The power of IEMT in gaining control
Negative experiences are usually at the heart of helplessness. Situations in your past that taught you, bit by bit, that control was not the right answer.
Integral Eye Movement therapy is the single most powerful and effective technique for dealing with these negative experiences, helping you to clear out the emotions that hold you in place.